First, I would like to say thank you for the overwhelming support for my statement on why I left an indie camsite. Too many models (and even clients) to count have reached out to me in support. Some even in thanks for shedding light on the abuses of a despot of which they had suffered as well (though to a lesser degree). I appreciate all the kind words and thoughts.
There have been those who have reached out to me in curiousity, perhaps in search of more gossip or fodder for their circles. I have tried my best to give them none. And then there are those of whom we will discuss momentarily.
I have been asked by countless models, “How is life after leaving [this particular site]?” Some are motivated to ask because they knew of my close ties to the site. Others because, I suspect, they wanted to see me fail after leaving (and possibily all along). Maybe others wonder genuinely, because it seemed that for a year I dominated this site. I came on to the scene and I owned it, and they are genuinely curious how I could have survived such a departure.
Let me assure you, I am doing just fine. In fact, I am better now after having left this site. I am more at peace. I am more focused, and my earnings have only gone up. Allow me to explain.
The environment on this site was incredibly toxic. Not only was I taking abuse from the owner (as previously discussed), but from many models as well. The owner is responsible for fostering such a toxic environment and cultivating this culture of abuse, bullying, and harassment that prevails on his site. He impotently hides behind the excuse that he bears no responsibility for the behavior of models. It is because of his impotency that an environment rife with bullying and harassment has flourished.
I constantly had to deal with models trolling me, spamming me, and outright bullying and harassment. Bringing this to the attention of the owner, with whom I had a very close relationship, did nothing but irritate him and cause his narcissistic rage to flare. A group of 8 grown women went so far as to create a chat group–the sole purpose–to hate on me, bully me, and harass me. The owner did nothing. In retrospect, I see that these women were motivated by various jealousies. The group was about their own insecurities that were highlighted by my success. This in no way excuses their bullying and harassment of me or any model. Nor does it excuse the inaction of a rage filled impotent man who supposedly was the leader of the site.
And then there was me losing focus on myself and my business. It began when I went to work for this mercurial narcissist. Me, being the dutiful co-dependent, put my business needs aside. I even put my personal life aside. Whatever this man needed–I did, without so much as a thought. I worked well over the hours I was paid, which took precious time away from my business.
Then his rageful abuse. Even though a couple days later, he and I would be back as we were before, it effected me profoundly. I would be crushed, broken. Sometimes, if he was especially cruel, I would not be able to function for days at a time. Many sessions with my therapist did I cry over the abuses of this man. I lost my peace.
Once I made the decision to leave his site, a profound peace came over me. I did mourn for a day or two, as to be expected when any close relationship ends. In truth, I had been mourning for months. But overwhelmingly, what I felt was peace. I had left behind the toxic environment that this man created. I left him behind as well. This capricious, despot of a narcissist. I felt free.
My focus returned. I immediately turned to my business and began working it with a vigor and a fury that I had lost during all the bullying, abuse, harassment, and the distraction of the Narcissistic/Secondary Supply relationship. But I found my focus and was more determined to succeed. I saw a return on my hard work almost immediately. Thanks to finding the zeal I had lost, and my solid client base, my earnings did not drop. Infact, my earnings have only gone up since I left behind this narcissist and his toxic environment.
So again, Thank you to the models who have reached out in support. Thank you to the clients who have expressed appallment at what happened behind the scenes on this site. And I am very appreciative of my client base who has continued to stay with me and book with me.
Missed my Statement on Why I left and Indie Camsite? Read it now.